Category Archives: Existential Angst

3/52 Portraits – Lost Love

It’s week 3 of 52 weekly portraits …

What do I miss from my past?

I mourn the ability to dance with freedom and grace as I once could. Years of arthritis, a hip replacement and now a wanky back hobble me to the ground when I used to be able to fly.


I wrote the above intro 2 days ago. While I was writing the rest of this post today, it occurred to me that there is deeper significance to this image. When I was 22, and in college, I played the part of Peter Pan in the University of Colorado’s musical of that name. I was even strapped up in a harness and lifted to fly around the stage. Flying in for a curtain call to a standing ovation was one of the peak experiences of my life.

It is interesting that I used my shadow for the portrait of my mourned ability. Do you remember that Peter Pan came into Wendy’s room looking for his shadow? … the silly thing had become detached somehow. He tried putting it back on with soap among other things but it was Wendy’s common sense and needle and thread that finally re-attached it.

Sobs come as I write this because I realize I have ‘grown up’ like Wendy… all common sense and choosing reality over Neverland, where dreams are born.  And like Wendy, I have lost the ability to fly.

This is a big symbolic realization for me and I don’t think I will find a resolution as I am writing this post. I want to dance again, and allow my body to move freely with the wind. Will I find some fairy dust when I return to the fairy circle on our ranch to help me? Will I shed all the dark and heavy energy stuck to my emotional and physical bodies? Will I allow myself to let go and let Goddess?

I think I will somehow, since I am on the right path… and of course clapping my hands because I DO believe in fairies.

Me as Peter Pan in CU’s production of Peter Pan in 1978.

peter pan

Thank you my friends for taking this journey of self-discovery with me. It is powerful to have witnesses. xoxoxox

Starfire aka Meghan aka FireBonnet

Starfire aka Meghan aka FireBonnet

52 Portraits is a photography course in self discovery by Vanessa and is hosted through Get Messy Art Journal. The course is a year long journey in using photography and words to turn your reflection inward and capture who you are at this phase in your life. Learn more and join the course here.


About Being Powerless

I need to make sure I have a strong connection to my Source or I will lose power and eventually run down my batteries.

I learned this distressing metaphorical lesson in powerlessness from Universe this week when I was literally without power in my motor home for three days…